Lowering the Bar (On Purpose): A Kinder Way Through December as a Working Mom

We’re in that weird stretch of December where everything feels like a deadline. 

As a working mom, you’ve probably spent the last few days toggling between spreadsheets and worrying about whether you bought enough tape for the wrapping. It’s a lot. My own to-do list looks like something a medieval king would use to demand taxes, and frankly, I'm tired of it.

The best move here is to just lower the stakes. We don't need to "find joy" (which sounds like another chore anyway), we just need to stop making things harder for ourselves.

Here are a few things I’ve been trying to keep in mind as a therapist and working mom myself so I don't lose my mind before the 25th:

The "Good Enough" Rule

There’s this unspoken rule that everything has to look like a Pinterest board—the gifts, the cookies, even the way the kids are dressed. It’s exhausting. Your house doesn’t need to be a museum; it just needs to be a place where people can sit down without sitting on a pile of laundry.

Do this today: Take the most annoying thing on your list and just cut it by 20 percent. Buy the pre-made cookies. Use the gift bags that are sitting in the back of the closet instead of wrestling with wrapping paper. If it’s 80% done, call it a win and move on.

Stop saying yes to everything

December is basically a giant magnet for invitations. 

School stuff, work drinks, neighborhood things you don't even really like. Every time you say yes to something out of guilt, you’re basically stealing an hour of sleep or quiet from yourself.

Do this today: Before you reply to that next text or email, wait ten seconds. If your immediate physical reaction is a heavy sigh, just say you can't make it. You don't need a five-paragraph apology. "I can't swing it this week" works just fine.

Tiny resets

Nobody has time for a three-hour spa day right now. That’s just reality. But you probably have thirty seconds while the coffee is brewing or while you’re washing your hands.

Do this today: When you’re at the sink or the coffee maker, don’t check your phone. Don’t run through your schedule. Just stand there. Notice the smell of the coffee or the warmth of the water. It’s not a "meditative practice," it’s just a minute where you aren't being productive.

Let people help (and don’t fix it later)

A lot of us end up doing everything because we think we’re the only ones who can do it "right." But trying to be a one-woman show is how you end up crying in the pantry.

Do this today: Give a job to your partner or the kids. If the dishwasher is loaded in a way that makes no sense, or the wrapping paper is crooked, leave it alone. Seriously. Don’t redo it. Having it off your plate is worth more than having it done perfectly.

Highlight the "Must-Dos"

Take five minutes to look at what’s actually left on your calendar.

The real stuff: The school play, that one family dinner, the stuff that actually makes you feel good.

The filler: Physical holiday cards, three different kinds of homemade fudge, the elaborate outdoor lights.

Do this today: Be a bit mean with your highlighter. If it’s just "nice to have," maybe this is the year you just don't do it. The world won't end if you skip the cards this time.

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The holidays shouldn't feel like you're competing for performance. They’re just days. Give yourself some credit for keeping things going this long. Then go find a quiet corner and a drink that isn't lukewarm for once.

Happy holidays!